Is your coach accentuating the positive? In the previous blog I explored a very important–but hidden ingredient–of coaching success. It is the feedback portion of coaching. Here’s the process:
Coaching Performance Feedback
Step One Step Two
Positives First Re-Direct/Questions Positive Reinforcement
Step Three
What I (you) liked Next time, how could I know you can…
What I (you) attempted you…….. (what Encouragement
What I (you) did ‘new’ resources are available
Is your coach using this contour? What are you learning from taking part in it? Has it changed the way you think about your performance ‘wins’?
Here’s an in-depth explanation of each step.
Step One in the Contour: Give Positives First
You should be getting coaching to your performance—actions, not just ideas. You don’t want advice; you want feedback on what you did. To get better performance, the coach must start with praise–praise for the positive aspects of the performance first.
Why? Because adults naturally criticize themselves hundreds of times daily, telling themselves all the mistakes they made, beating themselves up for what they didn’t do, talking themselves out of taking action. Because, with action comes risk and fear of criticism! At the same time, adults rarely mentally celebrate their ‘wins’!
Where does this ‘mental whipping’ come from? A study shows that, up to age eighteen, we are told ‘no’ 148,000 times—on average! (Some adults tell me they were never encouraged to try anything as a child!). That teaches our brains to give us negative feedback constantly. So, we know what not to do, and we’re hugely afraid of trying something new because we’re afraid we’ll fail—or, at least, get criticized! So, your coach’s job is to encourage and recognize performance in a positive way, so that the adult will continue the performance and get better at it.
For instance, let’s say your action was to call ten for-sale-by-owners last week. The coach asks you how you did. You tell your coach you called on ten for-sale-by-owners but didn’t get any listings from the calls. You start to berate yourself for her lack of sales skill. To stop the ‘negative feedback’, your coach should quickly praise the number of calls, so you are encouraged tol do those calls again. If your coach didn’t didn’t praise that behavior, you probably would quit those behaviors.
The principle is
Behavior that’s rewarded is repeated.
If any of you have raised children, you know that’s true. Children will get attention any way they can—positively or negatively. If they learn that they get attention only through bad behavior, that knowledge guides their lives. (You know adults who only know how to get attention by poor behavior, too, don’t you?)
Step Two: Next time, redirect, questions………..
In the example above, the agent didn’t get a listing immediately from calling on for-sale-by-owners. So, the coach should ask the agent about resources available to create better dialogue, better process and systems, to either get a listing, get an appointment, and/or start a system to keep in touch with the potential listing. The coach should help you focus on skills and systems. However, rather than telling you the solutions, competent coaches learn to ask great questions so that the solutions are the agent’s own. This is real coaching, not just telling.
Step Three: Positive Reinforcement
Behavior that’s rewarded is repeated. Now is the time, before the end of the coaching session, to recognize and reward the positive behaviors in the last week. Your coach should use words like “I know you can achieve this”. “I appreciate your effort.” You’ll want o provide positive self-talk for your performance achievements consistently for the next week. Soon, you’ll see those positive behaviors gain in number and results.
My question to you: How well do you give yourself ‘pats on the back’ for competent performance? Or, do you spend all your time beating yourself up for your mistakes?
Give Yourself Some Positive Results!
Why not get into a situation that gives you great results? You’ll feel great about yourself, and you’ll accomplish more than you ever thought you could. Check out Up and Running in Real Estate. Coaching is built in!
