If you’ve ever backed away from taking action because you lacked confidence, this truism from Psychologist Albert Bandura will give you the key to unassailable confidence.
Here’s the situation: You have an opportunity to do a listing presentation to seller whose property is way more pricey than you’ve listed earlier. But, you’re pretty new, and you aren’t confident you can actually do a great presentation. You worry. You ruminate. You think of everything that could go wrong. Finally, you back off, not following up. Why? Because you aren’t confident in your own abilities.
How Do You Think You Gain Confidence?
You may have heard that you can gain confidence from
- Affirmations
- Visualization
- Pumping yourself up by repeating ‘I can do it’
- Acting as though you know what you’re doing (fake it ‘til you make it)
- Reassurance from a coach
Although these are all good ideas, they don’t provide nearly as much confidence as what Bandura calls ‘mastery experience’: the accumulation of evidence gathered from actually doing things. In other words, just thinking about it won’t give you the confidence you need.
The Antidote to Being Uncertain
You just can’t say to yourself, ‘I’m confident.” Well, you can, but it doesn’t work that way. The psychological studies showed that successful, confident people repeat exposure to uncertain situations until they can manage the discomfort.
To Develop Confidence: Get Into Action even with Discomfort
Successful people get into action in the presence of discomfort (start bad to get good). Successful people have a very different relationship with uncertainty. They act BEFORE they have resolved their discomfort about the activity.
Recently, I attended a concert by high school kids who have learned violin and viola for a couple of years (This is a wonderful non-profit in the south Seattle area, Key to Change). The students had memorized difficult pieces and were playing with a professional orchestra! How did they possibly accomplish this with just a few years of lessons?
- They have great teachers, who have high standards AND high positive support for them.
- Key to Change provides ‘protected’ situations (small venues) where students can perform as they get more comfortable (make the situation management and progress it as the student progresses).
- Students have high camaraderie with the other students in the program, so they have lots of positive support
- The coaches only help students perform at larger venues with orchestras when they know the student is proficient and confident enough to ‘win’ (have a positive experience)
But, I’m Afraid
Sure you are. You’re in good company, too. I don’t think there’s a performer alive today, that doesn’t have some trepidation prior to a performance. And, certain types of people are much more reticent to get into action.
‘Getting into Action’ Mode is Different for various People
Some people want copious statistics. Some want reassurance. Some even want to have experienced that success before they will get into action (Think about it. It’s not possible, unless you can put yourself in a simulated reality….).
Years ago, I read a great book by Kathy Kolbe, The Conative Connection. She described how different types of people get into action. I highly recommend the book. There’s even a survey so you can find your ‘get into action’ style. This is different, of course, from behavioral profiles.
Managers and Trainers Have Seen and Heard It All….
As managers and trainers, we have seen some people hold back, make excuses, and even fight with us to avoid getting into action. (They’re very creative at avoiding doing something new, and they will expend lots of energy proving it!) Knowing where this comes from is invaluable in becoming an effective trainer and coach.
On the other hand, I’ve coached people who jump right in, make mistakes, make corrections, and achieve at a high level quickly. Badura, the psychologist, would say these people have learned to tolerate uncertainty and discomfort. Yes.
Note to trainers: The closest you can get to ‘simulated reality’ is to add meaningful, structured role plays with coaching and feedback into your courses. That way, people can try things out in a structured, protective environment, with positive feedback and evaluation. (See more in my Train the Trainer 2.0 course, where we structure coaching and feedback with specific skills to gain the most optimum performance and confidence).
I Know How to Gain Confidence from Being a Pianist from Age Four
“You can’t play until you put your hands on the keys.” Yes, you can imagine the tune. You can talk positively to yourself. But, until you feel those keys, hear yourself, and have the experience of actually playing—can you develop confidence.
Tolerating Being Bad to Get Good
We musicians don’t expect to play something well the first time we play it. We are willing to play bad to get good. In addition, we have had great performance coaches to show us how to practice to get best results. We have been taught to practice perfectly so our performance gets better faster. We know how to segment the piece into small bits so we can master each section. All of this results in the confidence that we CAN play (even as some discomfort remains). (In my Train the Trainer 2.0 course, I show you specific processes to put into your training to help people get really good really fast).
How You can Become Confident as a Real Estate Pro—even When You’re New
Have I convinced you that the only sure way to develop confidence is to get into action? Getting into action doesn’t happen alone. You also need a competent coach. Why? Because that coach will prepare you to get into action. They will help you with best processes, scripts, systems, and practice. They will support and encourage you along the way. They will help you re-direct or try new approaches. This is a process—becoming confident in yourself and your ability to perform.
Coach yourself to Better Performance and Confidence
Here’s what I learned as a musical performer. Here’s how to develop confidence and a positive outlook on your progress. Find 1-2 good things to focus on before you go into the performance—goals for that performance. (In a listing presentation, a goal may be to ask theeight most important questions, listen, and probe BEFORE selling.) Afterward, congratulate yourself on those 2 positives. Treat the things you want to improve on or change as alternatives (next time, try…). That way, you’ll be inspired to do it again, and you’ll have less discomfort—while you create confidence.
Nike Was Still Right
Bottom line: Just do it.
